Post by Ms. Kathy on Mar 10, 2005 12:38:17 GMT -6
What to Say When Your Child is Extremely Upsetfrom HELPING HAND, th I CARE newsletter Volume 14, Issue 6, www.PRPonline.net
We want kids to talk to us when their emotions are running high. It helps them release those emotions constructively and helps us understand what's going on in their lives.
The best way to insure young people will talk out--instead of act out--their strong feelings is to respond to them in ways that make them feel understood. Ken Druck, PhD, founder of the Families Helping Families program and a crisis-response expert, offers some guidance in tisb regard in his book, How to Talk to Your Kids About School Violence (www.howtotalktoyourkids.com).
He says when kids get angry, adult have a unique opportunity to connect with them. "As she describes the particulars of her situation, listen and allow her to rant about what happened. She's likely to be very hurt, upset and may even make threatening and radical remarks." He provides some common statements kids make when they're angry and how adults can respond:
When you kids say:
1. "I won't let him get away with this."
"He'll be sorry he ever messed with me!"
"I'm going to make im pay!"
"I'm going to kill him!"
You should say:
1. "I know ow angry you are. I understand you feel he should have to suffer consequences for what he did. Retaliating will only make things worse. Don't you think he'll try to get you back? Let's think of some ways to end this."
2. "It's not fair!"
"No. It's not fair. And neither is life sometimes."
3. "I can't stand the way I'm being picked on/bullied/made fun of." "I can't go on anymore."
"I can't face anyone ever again."
"I can see how humiliated you are, and I might want to crawl into a hole and hide if I went throught what you did. Things might be rough for a while, but we're oing to figure this out, you'll see."
4. "You don't know what it's like." "Things are different from when you were growing up." "You don't get it."
"I know you don't think I understand. And I know things are different from when I was growing up. But I still want you to give what I have to say a chance."
We want kids to talk to us when their emotions are running high. It helps them release those emotions constructively and helps us understand what's going on in their lives.
The best way to insure young people will talk out--instead of act out--their strong feelings is to respond to them in ways that make them feel understood. Ken Druck, PhD, founder of the Families Helping Families program and a crisis-response expert, offers some guidance in tisb regard in his book, How to Talk to Your Kids About School Violence (www.howtotalktoyourkids.com).
He says when kids get angry, adult have a unique opportunity to connect with them. "As she describes the particulars of her situation, listen and allow her to rant about what happened. She's likely to be very hurt, upset and may even make threatening and radical remarks." He provides some common statements kids make when they're angry and how adults can respond:
When you kids say:
1. "I won't let him get away with this."
"He'll be sorry he ever messed with me!"
"I'm going to make im pay!"
"I'm going to kill him!"
You should say:
1. "I know ow angry you are. I understand you feel he should have to suffer consequences for what he did. Retaliating will only make things worse. Don't you think he'll try to get you back? Let's think of some ways to end this."
2. "It's not fair!"
"No. It's not fair. And neither is life sometimes."
3. "I can't stand the way I'm being picked on/bullied/made fun of." "I can't go on anymore."
"I can't face anyone ever again."
"I can see how humiliated you are, and I might want to crawl into a hole and hide if I went throught what you did. Things might be rough for a while, but we're oing to figure this out, you'll see."
4. "You don't know what it's like." "Things are different from when you were growing up." "You don't get it."
"I know you don't think I understand. And I know things are different from when I was growing up. But I still want you to give what I have to say a chance."